100 WC 19

                                                                      Slippery Fish



Goldy my fish had lived for a hundred years, which is very long for a goldfish. But, he passed away so, I flushed him down the toilet and right when I flushed him down I remember all of the pipe problems we were having. Water started rapidly flying in every possible direction. I dashed out of the house because my life depended on it. When I was outside it was like my house had flooded. Suddenly, it came down the drainpipe. Goldy! It almost looked like he was alive but, when I got the urge to pick up the fish I got a fish skeleton.

Comments

  1. Unknown10 February 2018 at 11:03

    Your story made me laugh. A great story using this weeks prompt.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jusden (Team 100)12 February 2018 at 03:19

    Hi there,

    This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! The prompt is a mysterious opening about something coming down the drainpipe. While you don’t mention a drainpipe immediately, you turn the piece on its head by making it in a more domestic setting until a rather mysterious turn in the later part of the piece. You introduce a story a gold fish. By doing so allows for a solid structure which gives the piece a good flow. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This is a very common theme for most people as most would have experienced it in real life, having owned pets of some sort. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the fish and what has happened. This is really unique and incredibly well crafted. I can relate to this as I too remember the excitement and suspense of having a pet fish, and the tragedy of it dying. By naming it in the piece you also add emotion and capture the reader. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. By using flushing it down the toilet, you create a really believable setting, an action which many fish owners do if their pet dies. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. While you apprehend that there will be a problem, the madness that ensues is described really well. Water flying everywhere and chaos ensuing. With the house flooded, the ending seems a sad one, and is extended with the fish not being alive, yet still provides a good ending. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of sentencing. Keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete

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